One year without....

[img]

Smoking. I've gone a whole year without one cigarette! Except for that one time when I smoked half a cigarette. I'm not counting that but I'm kind of glad that it happened. I was craving one and was also kind of stressed out at the time, so I told myself that if I still wanted one in 24 hours that I would smoke one. AAAAAAAAAAAAND. I was still stressed out 24 hours later. Turns out....you can taste all of the chemicals in them. You just have to quit smoking them for at least 6 months or so.

But boy oh boy do I miss cigarettes sometimes! Even a year later. Like yesterday when I craved one with my coffee. And this morning when I craved one again while drinking my coffee.

As an ode to my at one time sweet and precious cigarettes, I've written a little letter with things I'll miss and not miss about smoking.

Dear cigarettes,
Man. Am I ever going to miss enjoying you with a double shot of espresso! I'll also miss how well you completed a meal. How good you were with a strong whiskey drink. How much fun it was to sit with you on a covered porch outside at night while it was raining. How easy it was to strike up a conversation with people by asking to bum a cigarette or use a lighter. How fun it was to pass you out to homeless people in New Orleans. I'll miss those bouts of times when I tried hand-rolling you. I even bought a fancy contraption that took up way too much space in my purse. I never got really good at making you myself, and it was always an act of labor to smoke you that way. But I felt a little closer to you during those times. Just know that I'll also miss those quiet moments where it was just me, you and my music, driving around in my car.

But (don't act like you didn't know where this was going). All good (or at least fleetingly enjoyable) things must come to an end. I tried several times to demolish my habit of you. The attempts mostly only lasted a maximum of two weeks, but then there was that one time before I got super duper depressed after my Granny died when I quit you for a whole three months. That was fun. That would be used as a reminder that I didn't need you later when I was ready to quit again.

Now that it's been a whole year without you, I'm really glad you're gone. I hated that I felt dependent on you to calm down or relieve stress. I hate that you lingered on me after a quick smoke. I loved you but you smelled disgusting (nothing personal dude). I won't miss pretending like I was enjoying myself in the winter when it was just a little too cold to be outside. My bank account definitely won't miss you. My body is pretty happy you're gone too. I sure won't miss how queezy and headachey you made me feel sometimes. My insurance is happy that you're gone (or is it the other way around...I never can tell??). I think my future babies will be really happy that I don't smoke, too. As much self-control that I feel I don't have, letting you go is one example proving that I have at least a little.

So yes. I think of you fondly from time to time, but I am so happy and proud of myself for making you a part of my past. I'm so happy to have a year without you under my belt. I can't wait til its even more years (I'm shooting for a million) since you were in my life (and mouth, and lungs, and stuck on my hair and clothes, and...).

HOLLA, cigarettes!
Mel

Ha okay. So did you actually read all the way through that? Cause that ended up being quite a long letter to an incredibly inanimate object.

So.. I don't see many smokers in the blogosphere. If I still smoked I probably wouldn't share it much (or at all) on my blog. You know, there's just an image you want to maintain on a blog sometimes. I mean I intend for my blog to always be a positive space. So when I'm having my negative days, I've got my blog that forces me to spin a positive light. That's one of my hard limits (Fifty Shades, anyone?)..no negativity here. I imagine cigarettes wouldn't fit in either. They aren't typically on the list of things that sum of a good role model.But anyway. Have any of you smoked and struggled with stopping? What helped you or what have you tried so far? Anyone have a different perspective about what should/shouldn't be included on a blog? Have I offended anyone (that wasn't my intention if so!!)?