On anger + staying centered

You know those posts where there's just a whoooooole bunch of words and you're like "I only have three thousand blogs to read today so I'm just gonna skim through the pictures and look for key words so I'll have some sense of what I should comment on at the bottom"? Welp. Here's one of those posts! If you want to skip all the words and get to the meat of the post, scroll down to the big bold letters that say "So. That brings me to what this post is all about" down towards the end : ). Otherwise, just keep reading!

For me, one of the hardest things in life is finding a balance. But man its so important! Staying healthy and centered helps you deal with life's inevitable stupidstorms. The reason why I want to talk about anger today is because recently that, along with resentment, threatened to tear down the fulfilling and creative energy that I had created for myself. And on a side note, in case you didn't notice--I try to talk and interact with my readers as if they were a friend that I've known for a long time. Its important (as my best friend and all) that you know I've had a million therapy (individual and group) and have a lot of practice dealing with negative emotions and not letting them rule my life. As I talk to you on this blog, I'm going to do everything I can to make sure you aren't wallowing in whatever bad feelings you have. I hate wallowers. I want you to feel empowered here! I promise to always be honest and direct with you because that's what I would like to see from you.

So. Why was I fighting anger and resentment almost every day for a few months? Here goes!

I used to manage a coffee shop. It drove me crazy (I was a true nutso I tell ya!) and I absolutely adored it (the job, not being nutso). I'm really good at managing people and I love the coffee industry. Most of my regulars were incredible. The job gave me a lot of independence, flexibility and creative freedom. Except that I knew I didn't want to do it long term. I wasn't fulfilling my life long dream by managing the coffee shop. And I let my bosses know that. We had discussed me eventually transitioning out of the position when we (them + me) had found a suitable replacement for me. It was really important to me that I be apart of finding my replacement because I felt I had done so much to grow the store and employees and customer experience. I thought we were all in agreement (probably because we all said that we were in agreement).

So on the day that the owner told me I wasn't going to be manager anymore and that they had found a replacement (which was somebody I had hesitations about) I. Was. Pissed. And to make matters worse, the owner's assistant (aka my best friend at the time) had been the one to make the decision not to include me. When asked about it she said she knew I would have opinions against him and she didn't want to fight me and my strong opinions (to her credit she did admit that that was the wrong decision to make). They were kind enough to only demote me rather than just letting me go (a girl needs a paycheck, yo!). So I took on the early morning shift (5:30 am opening, to be exact).

When I was alone during the thirty minutes before the store actually opened I would just ruminate on how much they had wronged me. I felt like I was trapped and had to still work there. I would think of all the other small things they had done in the past that had rubbed me the wrong way. And then I would spend the next six hours of my shift trying to talk myself out of that anger.

I eventually got to an okay place with them. I no longer work at the coffee shop, but my last two weeks there I had some huge success with the resentment I felt towards them! Instead of anger I just felt excited about the regulars that would be coming in later on in the day : )

So. That brings me to what this post is all about.

5 ways to help you stay centered:

1. Self care. That's right I said it! Give yourself a little attention! Have you done anything fun today? Is your whole to-do list full of things for somebody else? Go ahead..paint your nails and spend 5 minutes in complete quiet and stillness while they dry. Go on a walk in nature. And SLEEP! O M G. Sleep. How are you going to fight anger when you're cranky from no sleep and too much anxiety-provoking caffiene?!
2. Lay off the booze a little. I've found that when I'm in a period of frustration/feeling down that alcohol only makes it worse. That happy, carefree feeling is only temporary. Promise. [This is coming from an avid beer drinker, okay?]
3. Give yourself a time limit. This is my favorite rule! I hate when people shun you for just feeling how you feel. That's so wrong! You are a human being with a whole spectrum of emotions and you have the right to feel however it is that you're feeling. Don't let someone tell you that you shouldn't feel scared or mad or depressed. There's a lot that happens in life that should make you feel those things. Instead of stuffing the emotion and pretending like you're superwoman (or man), just give yourself a time limit for that emotion. If your boyfriend of 3 years just dumped you, then feel the saddest you've ever felt for whatever amount of time you think is appropriate. It can be 3 days, 3 weeks or 3 months. You get to make up that limit, no one else should be able to tell you what your period of grief should be--just remember: no wallowing, okay? Then once your time has been reached, start focusing on what you need to do to be okay. Start focusing on your recovery; on being a survivor of your situation.
4. Get out of your head. Do something nice for someone! Extra brownie points? Do something nice for someone that's wronged you. This is probably the hardest on this list. Loving people can be really really hard sometimes. Something that's really rewarding? Love someone because they are different from you. WHOA! If you don't want to tackle those bigger acts of otherness, try just writing someone a letter with all the reasons you appreciate them (this is actually pretty addicting...I make this a "reward" for myself when I've reached a small goal--that's how much fun it is!).
5. Make a happy playlist! And actually, this is where I would like some reader participation! What's your go-to happy song(s)? What can you listen to that instantly puts you in a better mood? Here are a few of mine:

Doing stuff like this really helped me get to a good place. Thankfully I didn't have to work at the coffee shop for much longer after the demotion, but I'm proud of where I got to before leaving the shop! What do you do to stay centered? And don't forget to leave me some happy songs! : )


**Also, I did a style feature over at The Magpie today! Go check it out!!**